The World Cup is approaching, and English hopes seem to be at an all-time low. Everyone seems to be writing off their chances, but at least we don’t have the following players in our line up! As with the Best of England series, this is based on all England matches since 1993, when I first started watching football. The team will also be selected based on England performances only. Whatever they achieved or otherwise in their club career is irrelevant here.
Goalkeeper – Ian Walker
The best goalkeepers instil confidence in the defenders in front of them. Ian Walker must have given his back four nightmares. A lack of decisiveness plagued his club career, and it was amazing he was ever given the opportunity to play for England. Yet he played four times, most notably against Italy in a World Cup qualifier, where he let in a very soft goal from Gianfranco Zola, the only goal in a tight game which almost derailed England’s qualification hopes. Scott Carson is very lucky not to be on the list, but whilst he was terrible against Croatia, England were so poor that night they would have lost even if he’d had a blinder.
Right Back – Luke Young
You know the situation is desperate when you are desperate for Gary Neville to return. Young didn’t have any notably bad games, but he was just an incredibly mediocre player who, despite being capped 7 times, made almost no impact on the England side at all. Distinctively average in every aspect of his game.
Left Back – Wayne Bridge
Capped 36 times, yet there is only one game anyone will remember. In the space of 90 minutes against Croatia, any good that Wayne Bridge had achieved in his England career to that point was erased. That performance has since become my barometer for a bad performance, not just for football but in any aspect of life.
Centre Back – Matt Upson
International football is a funny game due to the disparity in quality of the teams on show. A team like Andorra for example would be the whipping boys in League Two for example. Matt Upson managed to look competent for most of his appearances, but very few were against quality players. When he was asked to step up against Germany, his flaws were ruthlessly exposed.
Centre Back – Jamie Carragher
To be honest, terrible England centre backs have been fairly thin on the ground. Therefore I have chosen Carragher for the fact he threw his toys out of the pram and retired early from international football because he wasn’t playing as regularly as he wanted. Yet the players in front of him were all better players, so it is hard to empathise too much with Carragher.
Right Wing – David Bentley
Bentley had a brief purple patch in his club career, but missed out on international selection during this period because of his refusal to play for the England Under 21s on the grounds that he was too tired. When he did finally play, he was booed by the fans and put in performances a long way short of his best.
Left Wing – Dennis Wise
Dennis Wise doesn’t deserve to be on a list of worst England players, but his selection is more due to what he represents. In the late 90s, England struggled terribly to find a decent left winger. Many were tried, including Wise, who was the squarest peg in the roundest of holes. As always, Wise gave it his all, but posed almost no attacking threat in an unfamiliar role.
Central Midfield – Carlton Palmer
If one player summed up Graham Taylor’s reign as England manager, it was Carlton Palmer. In an era where we had the likes of Paul Ince, Paul Gascoigne and David Platt, how Palmer ever played for England is beyond me, yet alone 18 times.
Central Midfield – Tom Cleverley
At least Palmer was effective at breaking up opposition attacks. Okay, he broke up a lot of England’s attacks too, but there were a few positive attributes he added to the team. With Cleverley, I’m struggling to think of a single positive act he has made in an England shirt.
Striker – Michael Ricketts
Just because a player is enjoying a successful season, that doesn’t mean they should play for England. Ricketts was a case in point of that. 12 Premier League goals in 2001-02 saw him called up against the Netherlands, but his limited technique and lack of predatory instinct was all too apparent. Failed to reach double figures for a league season again.
Striker – Kevin Phillips
Ricketts’ failure was expected. Phillips however was, and for most of his career remained, a great finisher also blessed with excellent movement. Yet for some reason, with the Three Lions on his chest the goals simply didn’t come. Chances he would have buried in a league match went begging. A real mystery why he failed to make more of an impression at international level.
Do you agree with my selections? Who would make your team?
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