Today’s blog post is more than four years in the making. In the Summer of 2018, I released my novel, Status: Activated and in preparation for the release, I wrote a mini-series on this blog about the inspirations and influences behind the novel. In both of the posts I published, I mentioned a future installment where I would discuss George Lucas’ influence on my novel. Yet that post never made it out of my drafts.
The influence of Lucas on my novel came in two main areas. One was the way in which Lucas describes the six Star Wars films he was involved with as the story of Anakin Skywalker, yet it could only really be argued that he is the main character in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. This was a concept I liked, albeit never got to utilise since my series never progressed beyond the first novel. I did however have a loose plan for at least three more novels, and whilst John Staunton was the main character of the first novel, Lara Taylor was to have been the main character across the series, as well as the main character in the second and fourth novels. Switching up the main character allows the exploration of different themes without burdening one character with an unbearable amount of drama and trauma, which appealed to me whilst I was mapping out the future installments.
The second influence also revolved around the character of Anakin Skywalker, specifically the way in which it is clearly apparent that when Lucas started writing what became A New Hope, Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader were different characters. At some stage before the release of The Empire Strikes Back, this had changed. There are those who use this as a criticism of Lucas, highlighting the rather clunky “From a certain point of view” explanation as proof Lucas didn’t have everything mapped out from the beginning. Which of course, he didn’t. No one can have a fully formed idea for six films before even the first film has come out, and I actually see the willingness to adapt or completely change an idea as a positive attribute. I definitely tried to keep an open mind throughout writing my novel, telling myself that just because one idea was already written down, that didn’t mean that it was a better idea than the one forming in my mind.
So why didn’t the blog post come out in 2018? Having read through the draft again, I’m really not sure. Occasionally when writing a blog, I’ll find that the act of writing things down is enough to organise my thoughts on a topic, and publishing it is an unnecessary step, but this definitely wasn’t one of those occasions. Other times I start a blog but cannot think of a way to end it, and whilst that was possibly the case here, I could quite easily have come back to the post the following day and been able to work through the ending, as everything else was in place.
It is more likely that I just decided that the post wasn’t very good and scrapped plans to publish it. I have hundreds of draft posts I’ve scrapped for this very reason, though the irony here is that this particular post was planned to promote my novel. If you asked me what I am most proud about regarding the novel, it wouldn’t be the characters, the pacing, the humour or indeed anything else related to the actual content. It would be that it actually exists and is available for anyone to read, and if they wish, to critique.
Writing the novel took me two and a half years, and there probably wasn’t a single day in that period where I didn’t question whether I was capable of completing the project. I would tell myself that I hadn’t read enough novels, hadn’t studied how to construct a narrative or write compelling, believable characters, that I didn’t understand how to edit or any number of other limitations. Yet each time I questioned myself, I pushed through, reminding myself that each of these challenges was an opportunity to learn more about myself and more about how to construct a novel.
The biggest challenge was definitely finding the acceptance that this was not going to be a perfect novel. The perfect novel of course does not exist, but it is something which you strive for anyway. My battle was always the third act. It always felt rushed, and trying to find the right balance between creating a finale full of drama and excitement whilst staying true to the tone and the characters established in the rest of the novel was something I never truly felt happy with. It improved over time, but eventually you reach a point where you have to decide whether to accept the imperfections and publish the best work you are capable of, or to keep striving for something that is likely never to happen.
I’m proud that I took the decision to share the novel with the world, even if the world didn’t notice. The project was complete, and regardless of my overall opinion on the novel, I was able to take great satisfaction from that. And as I was reminded of reading through the old draft of the George Lucas influences post, an idea can always be adapted and improved moving forwards. I could re-edit the novel, or revisit my plans for the sequel, or take what I learnt and apply that to a completely different idea. Doubt is normal, but if you can find a way to overcome it, it will feel particularly rewarding.
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